Might Have Been
by SlvrSoleAlchmst1
Summary: [Some shounen ai: Yzak x Nicol. Oneshot] Dearka has been transferred, and Yzak seeks to fill the emptiness that plagues him. When he crosses Nicol in the hallway, Yzak makes a move he wasn't quite expecting himself to make.


_A/N: This piece can, of course – and should - stand on its own, but I mean it to be the sort-of sequel to _Maybe_. Sort of. Mostly I've been wanting an excuse to try out this weird pairing, and thanks to _Lingering-Misery-of-Sorrow_, I was given a suggestion of how to do so. (Obviously, this again delays – BUT ONLY SHORTLY! – the update of _Status Pending

It might have been because Dearka was gone. Yzak had done something rather unbelievable, and he hadn't the faintest idea why he'd done it. He hadn't meant to drag the younger boy into the quagmire of his own personal problems, but somehow he had done just that. It might have been because he was curious, and had wanted to know what it felt like to be close to someone, _truly_ close to them, for once in his life.

Yzak Joule knew he'd done it on purpose, and there was no way around it. In any case, the smaller boy was looking up at him now from the soft surface of the bed, breathing hard, and gripping his shoulders with inquisitive fingers. The pale Coordinator knew he had to do _something_, now that he'd come so far, but the question was, would he allow himself to?

Nicol peered up at him through fair lashes, hazel eyes gone deep and shimmering with pleasure. The quiet, shy Blitz pilot said nothing, only awaited the move of the older male with a demure smile.

The younger boy was _happy_ to be pinned beneath him. The realization struck the silver-haired soldier with a tiny jolt. Perhaps he _shouldn't_ have done it.

"Yzak?"

With a toss of his head to banish any regrets, the addressed male returned to the present. He leaned down, and carefully, experimentally, he brushed his lips across those of his partner. At once he felt the responding shiver of delight from his green-headed companion, and he silently congratulated himself.

He might have done it out of spite in the end, spite for ZAFT and for the life a soldier led, and spite for the men who had made Dearka transfer. When the blonde had admitted his feelings, and kissed him and then walked out, it had left him with an empty hole in the cavern of his chest. He'd sought to fill it, but it might have been wrong to attempt do so using Nicol's enthusiasm.

Nicol must have liked him, Yzak had concluded. After all, would someone who _didn't_ like him have reacted in such a positive way? The pale youth tried to picture a different result by positioning _Zala_ in Nicol's place. No doubt he'd have gotten slammed clean through a wall or two, had he tried his move on the stoic Aegis pilot. Not that he ever _would_.

His mind wandered back to earlier that same day, when the two of them had crossed each other in the empty corridor.

"Hey there Yzak," the younger boy had greeted, cheerful as always and brimming with interest. He hadn't wavered even when Yzak fixed him with an icy glare.

"Are you going to the mess hall?" the eager youth had asked, changing direction and tagging along, unaffected by Yzak's moody silence. Then, "You know, you've seemed different ever since Dearka left. Is everything okay?"

The familiar name had jerked the pale pilot out of his irritated quiet. "Everything's perfectly fine, Amarfi. If you make me tell you again, I'm going to shove your head into the next hard surface I see."

It might have been the kind and gentle smile Nicol had bestowed him with after his outburst, but suddenly Yzak felt like a cold, hard block of ice set to melt under the solar rays. Why was the smaller boy's presence so _stifling_? Endless words of encouragement and happy grins left and right, yet still with that air of collectiveness that made him seem so mature… It was only his subtle naïveté that drew attention to his lesser age on occasion.

At once he had wanted to intimidate the other boy. He'd brushed the urge quickly aside. It never worked. In fact, at times it seemed Nicol clung to him rather frequently even despite his harsh words of rejection.

"What are you following me for, anyway?" Yzak had spat roughly, shoving the door to the mess hall out of his way with a growl. "You're like a school girl with a crush the way you carry on." He'd skidded to a stop after that, for Nicol had halted abruptly. One quick look over his shoulder to see what the problem was told Yzak the smaller male was blushing.

"You're turning pink, Amarfi." His comment only seemed to make the situation worse.

With a sigh of frustration, Yzak had backed out of the mess hall's entrance, allowing the door to swing shut. Within moments he was wondering why he'd bothered. It wasn't as if he was required to ask what was wrong.

"Pull yourself together," Yzak commanded with his hands resting on his narrow hips. "Don't start acting like such a baby, or when Dearka gets back he'll only have more reason to make fun of you."

The mention of the tanned Buster pilot appeared to snap the opposite Coordinator out of his embarrassed trance. "_Is_ Dearka coming back?" Nicol asked in a small voice.

Yzak's insides went cold. "What do you mean, you idiot? Of course he is." The blonde male had promised him, hadn't he?

"And then I suppose you'll go back to being downright mean and nasty, calling me a coward, and picking even more fights with Athrun because Dearka eggs you on."

The pale youth's blue eyes flew wide. He'd never expected such a remark from the timid boy, and frankly, the whole thing had confused him.

He hadn't known what to say. "You _are_ a coward," the Duel blurted instead, and instantly regretted it for reasons he couldn't quite determine.

It might have been because of how vulnerable the smaller youth looked at that instant. He'd looked almost – and Yzak hated to use such a sickeningly cute word – _adorable_, with that slight frown pasted on his juvenile features.

He'd appeared attractive in a funny sort of way, much like he did now, lying still and obedient beneath his elder teammate on the bed.

Yzak took the other boy's lips, and slowly, he cherished the moment by letting his hands sweep up and down Nicol's sides. It wasn't the same as with Dearka, it wasn't, but it was enjoyable nonetheless. Nicol's kiss was sweeter, softer, less demanding. It almost made him ache with excitement.

He clearly recalled his first sensation with kissing someone different, with kissing Nicol there in the hallway outside the mess hall.

"Am I such a coward?" Nicol had countered in response to Yzak's hasty insult. "Maybe you think that because it's the only side of me you ever see. You don't realize how intimidating you can get, Yzak." The frown deepened.

Yzak's spine had tingled at the offhand observation. Dearka had told him the same thing, just before he'd left. _You clearly don't realize how damned intimidating you can be…_

It might have been due to the pleasant memory that the phrase carried with it, or it might have been because at that moment Nicol had for some reason attracted him. Maybe it was the boy's never-ending patience and kindness that softened Yzak's tough shell, soothed him in the moment of his yearning for the blonde male who had gone. Either way, what Yzak had done next had been quite spur of the moment.

He'd stepped forward and wrapped an arm around the smaller boy's waist, much more gently than he'd thought himself capable of. Before he knew it he had captured Nicol's mouth in a rapid, short kiss and immediately jerked away.

The younger male's fingers quivered as he lifted them to the place where he'd been kissed.

"Why'd you do that?" Yzak was calmly asked. It occurred to him that he didn't know, and he said so with a characteristic sneer.

"Could it be you knew all along?" inquired the Blitz pilot happily, and Yzak snorted.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He received no response from the hazel-eyed Coordinator, who was beaming.

And now they were on the bed, Yzak's bed, for he had not wanted to touch the one that used to belong to Dearka. He still didn't know why he'd made the initial move. It might have been to fill up the empty space in his heart, like he'd thought, or it might have been because of something else. At least he was enjoying the pleasant sensation of skin against skin, and the gentle touch of the other youth's fluttering hands around his neck.

Perhaps Dearka would never return, but who knew? The twisted encounter with one Nicol Amarfi might have been a good thing after all.

_A/N: Constructive criticism? On characterization especially if you've got the time, since this is the first time I've tackled this pairing. Thanks for reading!_


End file.
